Learning to Trust

She still doesn’t trust me. I know she is only eight months old and I shouldn’t take it personally but I do. She’s my daughter after all- who could possible love her more then I do. But it’s like she forgets from one second to the next. She cries out as if I’ve never responded to her before let alone countless times in the last day, week- her whole lifetime really. It's like she forgets that I want her good, that I’m for her. She assumes I’m leaving her for good when I turn the corner to grab another bottle; her desperate cry is heartbreaking but I can’t grab the next bottle any faster. She cries when I try and dress her warmly for outside, when I try and get her cozy for a nap, when I change her uncomfortable diaper for a clean one. She distrusts me each time - protesting. Shouldn’t she understand that I’m her mama, that I love her and put her needs above my own, that I would never think of doing something that would ever do her harm, that I have gone through hell for her and I would do it again. She thinks when I’m pulling away the empty bottle that I am cruel; she doesn’t understand I have something that will satisfy her instead. I want her to trust my heart, to trust that I love her - that I am never going to leave her. I want her to know how precious she is, how loved she is. I never want her to doubt it. 

It breaks my heart but I know that one day she might understand, maybe when she gets older, maybe when she has a child of her own. 

---

He echoed in my ears.

She still doesn’t trust me. I know shouldn’t take it personally but I do. She’s my daughter after all- who could possible love her more then I do. But its like she forgets from one second to the next. She cries out as if I’ve never responded to her before let alone countless times in the last day, week- her whole lifetime really. It’s like she forgets that I want her good, that I’m for her. Shouldn’t she understand that I’m her Heavenly Father and that I love her, that I would never think of doing something that would ever do her harm, that I have gone to the cross for her and I would do it again. She thinks when I’m pulling away something from her that I am cruel; she doesn’t understand I have something that will truly satisfy her instead. I want her to trust my heart, to trust that I love her - that I am never going to leave her. I want her to know how precious she is, how loved she is. I never want her to doubt it. 

It breaks my heart but I know that one day she might understand, maybe when she gets older, maybe when she has a child of her own.