Nothing to offer, Much more to give

It was an eye sore staring at me from across the room. I had spent the morning speed cleaning our home and making order out of the chaos that greeted me as I came down the stairs. Finally, our main floor looked functional again and I sunk into my couch beside my four month old daughter who was kind enough to occupy herself while her mama zipped around. But then it caught my eye- the empty dessert cloche. I had bought it a couple weeks earlier and had made a habit of filling it up with treats for guests. At my best it was home made cookies- when I was short on time, store bought treats - anything sweet to offer our guests.  Except this morning, in the midst of the hurry I had forgotten to make anything and I surly didn’t have time to pick anything up - definitely not with a baby in tow. I ransacked the fridge - cheese? peaches? No. Those wouldn’t work. The pantry - crackers? Granola bars? I don’t think so. Could I whip up a treat in 10 minutes? Unlikely and the resulting mess would undo all the work I had done this morning. I resigned myself back to couch where my eyes were fixated on my dessert cloche: a shiny black pedestal with a glass dome that was completely empty and thought - I have nothing to offer.  Then I realized, that feeling sank deep, deeper then my lack of baked goods - it’s how I felt about myself in this season.

I want so badly to connect with others, to invest my time in relationships, to cultivate one of my many big ideas- and yet in this season of being a new mom I feel my capacity is severely limited. I have such burning desire to do- yet not enough time or energy to see it through. Just like my empty dessert stand- I feel like I have nothing to offer. But that’s when I was I was confronted with the sweet truth of a verse I had read-  Zephaniah 3:17  - 

The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

It’s not what I have to offer but who I am that makes me valuable. I looked over at my little girl - so incredibly precious to me- I delight over her everyday, sing songs to her, love her with every fibre of my being and yet none of my love for her is tied to what she can offer me. If I’m being honest at this age there is not much she could even offer, she can’t talk- or sit up by her self - she needs me almost every moment of the day- yet none of that changes an ounce of her worth to me. I think it’s easy to look back at different seasons of my life and think - I wish I had the same capacity as I did then, I did so much more, I had a big impact, and think that I was much more valuable to others then- even to God. 

But then this verse flies in the face of that lie.

God delights over me as I do over my daughter each morning. He rejoices over me with gladness as I do when I see her smile. He quiets me with his love as I do when I hear her in distress 

He sings over me like I sing over her each day as my heart overflows.  

I may feel as though I have nothing to offer - but I have much more to give, myself, to just be and as God’s child that’s more then enough.